My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
