I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
