I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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