youre lurking in front of me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
