dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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