To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
