My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
