My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
