My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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