i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
