If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
