oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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