I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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