We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm like, not good at living.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
