She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
