So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
