I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
