Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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