its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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