Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
