i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
