he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
