I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
