Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
