On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
