he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
