Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
