You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you would pick up someone in the library
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
