So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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