This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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