did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
well you can't waste a boner
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
