i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
