You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
