after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
