Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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