"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
