he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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