You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
