My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
