you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
