Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
