U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
