New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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