I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
