The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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