Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
