What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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