I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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