All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
