Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
