Soap is not a condiment
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
