I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
